motherhood

     I'm a mother of three little girls, but i wasn't always a mother. Even if my girls do think that i didn't exist before there births; I was once a young girl, a teen. I had hopes, dreams, expectations for my life. I had lovers, friends, and secrets. In all of those daydreams of how my life would be when i was older i never pictured bath time at 7:30, bedtime at 8:00, late night diaper runs. I never realized how much work would go into getting kids into a van without a fight for the right seat. Growing up i imagined myself running a coffee shop with weekends free to road trip where ever my whimsy took me. I love the life I've built but wonder sometimes where that other girl went, the one that knew all the answers had everything planned right down to the color of the coffee cups. I see other mothers, housewives, at the grocery stores arguing with their children over cereal brands and i wonder to myself what was she like before kids what did she dream of being. Do we all try to fit into this expected mold of  motherhood when we decide to stay home and raise the children? We become our mothers, who became their mothers, etc: Telling our kids not to do things we did. I tell my kids to eat their peas even though when i was their age i shoved them up my nose in protest. My husband tells the girls their not allowed to date till their married. Really?! We got married when i was 7 months pregnant with my second child. Is it maybe safer and less confusing if we're just completely honest with them and open to any question, or tell them all the same things that have been past down generation to generation. Teach them open honest love or rules and guidelines we ourselves couldn't go without braking? Like i said, I'm a mother of three little girls i wasn't born a mother, I have questions, worries, I'm not perfect. No matter how much we try, no matter what we try, we wont find out if we did it right at all till its our daughters turn to take up the motherhood reins.